It’s Saturday, I need a cigarette and more coffee. Just like every morning really. I have had a few attacks of “I’m losing it” this week. But at least I have recognised it and tried to control my emotions. I feel strangely calm today (except for my nicotine craving)I hope it continues for a while.
My Mum said something interesting to me. My brother and sister always thought I was the favourite, because my Mum was protective towards me. Mum said she tried to protect me because even though I was physically strong I was the most vulnerable emotionally. She was right and oh how I am exposed and vulnerable now!! My father was a bully and hit me. I hear he is dying of Cancer. He didn’t want me to know, but well I found out. I wished him a long life 2 years ago so he could have plenty of time to contemplate what a bastard he had been to me as a child. Why do none of my wishes come true?
I feel nothing about him. no anger, hate, love nothing anymore. He does not exist.
Peace
D41
x
Counselling exhausts me. My back hurts, my meds make me feel tired and I am becoming agrophobic…
Woohoo! It’s just getting better and better!
x
Back on JS!!
My counsellor said it would be good to write everyday, so here I am back again with tales of depression, life and stuff 
Diesel41